Health
Kiss my Grits and Pass the Bacon
L F Peterson (C) Copyright 2026
“Kiss My Grits (and Pass the Bacon)” – A Hilarious Literary Feast
That’ll Make Your Stomach Growl
Peterson’s culinary manifesto is what would happen if a Southern
cookbook and stand-up comedy had a baby raised by poets
The Book That Made Me Commit Adultery (With My Diet)
LAWRENCE F PETERSON KISS MY GRITS (AND PASS THE BACON)
I’ve never cheated on my partner, but after reading “Kiss My Grits > “I’d share these bacon grits with you, but they done crossed over
(and Pass the Bacon),” I’m pretty sure I’ve cheated on every dietary into ‘personal decision’ territory.” principle I’ve ever held sacred. Peterson has crafted 25 recipes that
A Philosophical Approach to Pork Products
don’t just break the rules—they take the rulebook, dip it in bacon
grease, fry it to a crisp, and serve it with a side of unapologetic The “Bacon Doctrine” section doesn’t just tell you how to cook
sass. bacon—it elevates the humble pork strip to philosophical heights:
“Cold pan. Gradual heat. Render more fat = crisp edges, tender
A Cast of Characters Crispier Than Well-Done Bacon
centers.” This isn’t cooking advice; it’s a life philosophy I’m
The recipe book introduces us to a delightful ensemble including considering having tattooed on my lower back. Aunt Birdie (who believes collards cure 83% of ailments), Uncle
The Only Diet Book That Makes You Gain Weight By Reading It
Ray (the self-appointed pit boss and unsolicited advice dispenser),
and my personal favorite—Biscuit, an elderly bluetick hound who I swear I put on five pounds just reading the “Cajeta Bacon Caramel
has mastered the complex geometry of the “bacon fallout zone.” Dessert Grits” recipe, which Miss Laverne pronounced “a scandal”
Even the barn cats, Peach and Pecan, are described as “lithe, before requesting a smaller spoon so it would “last longer.” The
strategic, morally ambiguous around pork,” which is possibly the moral flexibility sweetened, indeed. most accurate description of felines I’ve ever encountered.
Conclusion: Southern Comfort in Literary Form
Recipes That Make Your Arteries Negotiate Terms
“Kiss My Grits (and Pass the Bacon)” isn’t just a cookbook—it’s a
Peterson doesn’t just give you recipes; they give you what can only cultural artifact, a love letter to Southern cooking, and possibly
be described as edible poetry. Consider the “Bourbon Maple Bacon the only book that has ever made me laugh out loud while
Brûléed Breakfast Grits,” which Miss Laverne warned “tempts fate” simultaneously making my stomach growl loud enough to wake
before she “shattered the sugar top with the zeal of a teenager the neighbors. popping bubble wrap.” Or the “Korean BBQ Bacon Grits Bowl” that
As the book’s closing benediction states: “If you stirred these pots,
caused Cousin Tash to declare her third eye opened (though the
you’re kin now. Keep your stock rich, your bacon crisp, your grits
narrator suspects it was just her sinuses clearing).
silky, your company hungry, and your humor salted just enough.”
Cooking Instructions or Southern Gothic Literature?
Five stars, y’all. And pass the bacon.
The instructions read like a hybrid between technical manual and
Tennessee Williams dialogue: DEDICATION
> “That pot was plain polite till the bacon hit; then it started For every soul who’s ever stood over a simmering pot, wooden
smellin’ like a family reunion.” spoon in a slow figure‑eight, deciding if “just a little more butter”
is moral or mandatory. (Answer: mandatory.)
> “Stirring grits slow while bacon sizzles is my kind of
multitaskin’—patience in one ear, crackle in the other.” INTRODUCTION: EMOTIONAL INFRASTRUCTURE
Around here, grits aren’t a side—they’re community grout. Bacon LAWRENCE F PETERSON KISS MY GRITS (AND PASS THE BACON)
is the smoky ribbon tying weekday fatigue to weekend glory. Sharp cheddar = comfort anchor. Smoked Gouda = campfire
You’ll find bowls that whisper, platters that holler, and midnight whisper. Blue = steak swagger. Gruyère = alpine thrift-store
skillets that confess. Treat time gently; low heat + patience = silk. cashmere. Mascarpone = velvet apology. Use ½–1 cup per dry cup
Treat bacon reverently; it has already given much. grits depending on decadence tolerance.
CAST OF REGULARS (SPRINKLE THROUGH) KITCHEN ETHOS Aunt Birdie: Believes collards cure 83% of ailments. Stir like you mean it. Season as you go. Add brightness (lemon,
Uncle Ray: Pit boss, unsolicited adviser. vinegar, pickles) to slice through richness. Neglect is the enemy
Cousin Tash: Adds hot sauce before tasting—“trusting her of creaminess (same applies to relationships and sourdough
instincts.” starters). Miss Laverne: Church soprano; gossip circulatory system.
HOW TO READ RECIPES
Reverend Coleman: Blesses food, charcoal, occasionally
Yield, Ingredients, Process. Then a Wink or Note. Then BANter
thermometers.
(kitchen voice). You can skip the banter—but why starve your
Junior: Neighbor kid with hollow leg; owns rooster named Carl.
soul?
Biscuit: Elderly bluetick hound—expert in bacon fallout zone
logistics. These grits got so much bacon love in ’em they’re practically blushing
Peach & Pecan: Barn cats—lithe, strategic, morally ambiguous in the bowl. around pork.
SECTION I: BREAKFAST & BRUNCH AWAKENINGS
GRITS GOSPEL (CORE)
Recipe 2. Bourbon Maple Bacon Brûléed Breakfast Grits
Stone-ground grits: Deep flavor; 1 cup grits : 4–5 cups liquid (start
Yield: 4
at 4). Simmer low 35–45 min. Stir early and regularly. Salt the
Ingredients:
liquid up front (about 1–1¼ tsp kosher per dry cup; adjust for salty
1 cup stone-ground grits
stock).
4 cups whole milk (or 3 cups milk + 1 cup water)
Quick grits: 1 cup : 3–4 cups liquid. 5–10 minutes. Respectable.
½ tsp kosher salt
Avoid instant unless apocalypse looms.
8 slices maple bacon
Finish OFF direct heat with fats (butter, cream, cheese) to prevent
2 tbsp bourbon
grainy separation. Adjust texture by whisking in warm stock/milk
3 tbsp maple syrup (plus extra)
splash by splash if too thick.
3 tbsp brown sugar
BACON DOCTRINE 2 tbsp butter Cold pan. Gradual heat. Render more fat = crisp edges, tender ¼ tsp freshly grated nutmeg centers. Strain drippings; jar in fridge (label it—this is currency). Optional: 1 egg yolk (custardy version) Candy by brushing 2 parts brown sugar + 1 part bourbon + pinch
Process:
cayenne; bake on a rack.
1. Simmer milk; whisk in grits + salt. Cook low, 30–40 min till lush.
CHEESE MOODS Stir in butter, nutmeg, 2 tbsp maple syrup (and yolk off heat if
using).
LAWRENCE F PETERSON KISS MY GRITS (AND PASS THE BACON)
2. Bake bacon 400°F 10–12 min. Brush with bourbon + 1 tbsp 4. Spread in greased 9×13. Top with reserved bacon. Bake 350°F
maple; return 3–4 min till lacquered. Chop. 35–40 min until puffed and just set. Rest 10 min before slicing.
3. Portion grits in shallow heatproof crocks; sprinkle brown sugar;
Serve: Squares with hot pepper jelly or pickled okra spears.
torch to glass (or broil carefully).
4. Top with sticky bacon; drizzle extra maple. BANTER: Uncle Ray attempted a “doneness test” with a fork
resembling farm equipment. Guard the corner pieces—they’ve got
Chef’s Wink: Sprinkle a flake or two of sea salt before serving for
the best chew.
maple lift.
If your spoon don’t stand up a second in the cheese grits, you’re shy on
BANTER: Miss Laverne warned that torching breakfast “tempts
bacon crumbles—fix it.
fate,” then shattered the sugar top with the zeal of a teenager
popping bubble wrap. Recipe 8. Sweet Heat Candied Bacon Grits Parfait
Yield: 6 parfaits
I cooked that bacon low and patient, then let the drippin’s whisper
sweet nothings to the grits. Ingredients:
Candied Bacon: 8 slices bacon, ¼ cup brown sugar, ½ tsp cayenne
Recipe 4. Smoky Bacon Pimento Cheese Grits Bake Grits Layer: 1 cup stone grits, 3 cups milk + 1 cup water, 3 tbsp
Yield: 8 (brunch casserole) honey, 2 tbsp butter, pinch salt Ingredients: Toppers: 1 cup macerated berries (berries + 1 tbsp sugar + 1 tsp
1½ cups stone or quick grits lemon zest), ¼ cup toasted pecans, chopped 6 cups chicken stock
12 slices bacon, chopped Process: 2 cups sharp cheddar, shredded 1. Candy bacon: Coat slices with brown sugar + cayenne; bake
1 cup pepper jack, shredded 375°F on rack 18–20 min. Cool; chop into shards. 1 jar (4 oz) diced pimentos, drained 2. Cook grits in milk/water with salt; low simmer till creamy.
4 eggs, beaten Finish with butter, honey. 1 cup half-and-half 3. Layer warm grits, berries, bacon shards, pecans in clear glasses.
1 tsp smoked paprika Serve immediately while contrasts pop.
½ tsp garlic powder BANTER: “Modern,” Miss Laverne sniffed—then labeled her to-go
½ tsp mustard powder cup with a permanent marker. Innovation accepted. Salt & black pepper
Stirred the butter in till it disappeared, rained bacon on top like first
Process: Saturday fireworks. 1. Cook grits in stock till thick. Cool 10 min (prevents curdled
eggs). Recipe 10. Bacon Grits Waffles with Hot Honey 2. Cook bacon crisp; reserve a handful for topping. Yield: ~6 waffles 3. Stir cheeses, pimentos, spices, most bacon into grits. Temper Ingredients: eggs with warm grits. Add half-and-half; combine smoothly. 1 cup cooked, very thick cooled grits (leftovers ideal) LAWRENCE F PETERSON KISS MY GRITS (AND PASS THE BACON)
1½ cups AP flour ¼ tsp crushed red pepper 2 tsp baking powder 1 (28 oz) can crushed tomatoes ½ tsp baking soda 6 eggs 1 tsp salt ¼ cup feta 2 tbsp sugar Cilantro or parsley (chopped) 2 eggs
Process:
1¾ cups buttermilk
1. Cook grits separately; keep warm.
6 tbsp melted butter
2. Render bacon; reserve half for topping. Sauté onion and pepper
8 slices bacon, chopped crisp
in bacon fat 6 min. Add garlic & spices 1 min.
½ cup shredded cheddar
3. Stir in tomatoes; simmer 10 min; adjust salt/pepper.
Hot Honey: ½ cup honey, 1 tsp crushed red pepper, 1 tsp apple 4. Make 6 wells; crack eggs; cover and cook till whites set, yolks
cider vinegar (warm together) still soft.
5. Spoon grits into bowls; ladle saucy eggs over; top with bacon,
Process:
feta, herbs.
1. Whisk dry ingredients. Blend eggs, buttermilk, melted butter;
stir in grits until mostly smooth. Twist: Add a spoon of harissa or smoked chili paste for deeper
2. Fold in bacon, cheddar. heat. 3. Cook in a preheated waffle iron till golden and crisp.
BANTER: Aunt Birdie called it “shak‑what‑now?” then requested
4. Drench with warm hot honey. Add a dollop of sour cream or
“the tomato lagoon” return next Sunday.
tangy yogurt for contrast.
I fold the crispy bits in last so they stay talkin’ back—soggy bacon in
BANTER: Waffle iron hissed like it was negotiating union breaks.
grits is just a missed blessing.
Mail carrier asked if we were “distilling breakfast” after the hot
honey hit the air. SECTION II: BRUNCH-TO-SUPPER CROSSOVERS
Them stone‑ground grits soaked up the bacon grease like they been Recipe 1. Low Country Velvet Bacon Grits & Shrimp Jubilee
training for this moment all week. Yield: 4 hearty servings
Ingredients:
Recipe 11. Tomato Bacon Grits Shakshuka
1 cup stone-ground white grits
Yield: 4–5
4½ cups shrimp stock (or chicken stock + splash clam juice)
Ingredients:
6 tbsp unsalted butter, divided
1 cup stone grits + 4½ cups stock/water
6 slices thick bacon, diced
8 slices bacon
1 lb large shrimp, peeled & deveined (shells for stock)
1 onion + 1 red bell pepper, diced
1 small sweet onion, minced
3 cloves garlic, minced
½ red bell pepper, minced
2 tsp smoked paprika
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp smoked paprika LAWRENCE F PETERSON KISS MY GRITS (AND PASS THE BACON)
¼ tsp cayenne 2 tbsp bacon grease 1 tbsp lemon juice 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar ⅓ cup heavy cream 1 tbsp pepper vinegar (or pickled jalapeño brine + pinch red
½ cup sharp white cheddar, shredded pepper flakes) 2 tbsp chopped scallions 2 tbsp butter Salt & black pepper ½ cup crumbled feta (optional)
Salt & black pepper
Process:
1. Simmer stock; whisk in grits + pinch salt; low heat, stirring Process: often 35–40 min until creamy. Fold in cream, 3 tbsp butter, 1. Cook grits in stock; finish with butter; season. cheddar; season. 2. Fry bacon; crumble. 2. In skillet, fry bacon till crisp; remove; reserve 2 tbsp fat. 3. In 2 tbsp bacon grease, soften onion 5 min; add collards, salt,
3. Sauté onion & pepper in bacon fat 4 min; add garlic, paprika, splash water; cover 8 min till tender. Add garlic 1 min. Splash with
cayenne 30 sec. vinegars. 4. Add shrimp; season; cook just till pink. Finish with lemon juice, 4. Serve grits piled with collards, bacon, and feta if using. Drizzle
remaining butter, half the bacon. extra pepper vinegar. 5. Spoon grits; top with shrimp mixture; garnish remaining bacon
Add-On: Crown with a soft-poached egg for breakfast thunder.
& scallions.
BANTER: Aunt Birdie calls these her “multivitamin.” Biscuit
Chef’s Wink: Deglaze the skillet with a dash of dry sherry right
stationed underneath—official bacon fallout zone established.
after the shrimp go opaque.
I season grits with bacon the way a choir uses harmony—everything
BANTER: Aunt Birdie said the grits were “smooth as a politician
else just falls in line.
pre-election”— highest strata of praise unaccompanied by
side‑eye. Shells steaming like tiny armor = victory sign. Recipe 6. Black ‘n’ Blue Bacon Steak Grits
Yield: 4
That pot was plain polite till the bacon hit; then it started smellin’ like
Ingredients:
a family reunion.
1 cup stone grits + 4½ cups beef stock
Recipe 5. Collard Green Bacony Grits with Pepper Vinegar Drizzle 6 slices bacon Yield: 4 2 tbsp butter Ingredients: ½ cup blue cheese crumbles 1 cup stone grits 1 lb sirloin or ribeye, 1″ thick 4 cups ham or chicken stock 2 tsp cracked black pepper 8 slices bacon 1 tsp kosher salt 1 bunch collards, stemmed, chiffonade 1 tsp Worcestershire 1 small onion, thinly sliced 2 scallions, sliced 2 cloves garlic, minced
Process:
LAWRENCE F PETERSON KISS MY GRITS (AND PASS THE BACON)
1. Cook grits in beef stock; finish with butter + half the blue
BANTER: Junior tried to barter chores for the bowl with most crab.
cheese.
Negotiations collapsed; he settled for “accidentally” licking the
2. Fry bacon; crumble; reserve fat.
spoon.
3. Season steak with salt and pepper; sear in hot bacon fat to
medium-rare; rest 7 min; slice against grain. These maple‑kissed bacon shards on my pepper grits? That’s what
4. Plate grits; fan steak; top bacon, remaining blue cheese, happens when breakfast decides to dress up for company. scallions; dash Worcestershire.
Optional: Balsamic reduction drizzle for sweetness. SECTION III: FIERY, GLOBAL & BAYOU BOWLS
BANTER: Reverend Coleman’s blessing ran so long the steak Recipe 3. Cajun Alligator (or Chicken) Bacon Firepot Grits almost crept to medium. Blue cheese melted like July asphalt Yield: 6 anyway—worth pious patience. Ingredients:
1¼ cups stone grits
Put a yolk over bacon cheese grits and it flowed down like gravy 5 cups chicken stock from heaven’s own skillet. 10 slices hickory bacon, chopped
Recipe 9. Bayou Crab, Bacon & Corn Grits 1 lb alligator tail (or chicken thigh), cubed Yield: 4 1 tbsp Cajun seasoning Ingredients: 1 tsp hot sauce 1 cup stone grits ½ cup andouille sausage, diced 4 cups seafood or chicken stock 1 small onion + ½ green bell pepper + 1 rib celery, diced 1 cup fresh (or thawed) corn kernels 3 cloves garlic, minced 8 slices smoked bacon ½ cup tomato puree 8 oz lump crab meat ½ cup cream 2 tbsp butter 1 cup smoked Gouda, shredded
1 tbsp lemon juice Process: 1 tsp Old Bay 1. Cook grits in stock; fold in cream + Gouda; keep warm. ¼ cup mascarpone or cream cheese 2. Season gator/chicken with Cajun seasoning. Render bacon;
Chives, minced remove. Sear meat in drippings; add andouille. Salt & pepper 3. Add trinity veggies 5 min; garlic 30 sec; tomato puree + hot
Process: sauce + splash water; simmer 5. 1. Cook grits; fold in mascarpone; season. 4. Stir bacon back. Serve over grits.
2. Fry bacon; crumble. Sauté corn in 1 tbsp bacon fat 3 min with Variation: Melt a spoon of bacon grease directly into finished grits
Old Bay. — decadent. 3. Gently warm crab with butter + lemon; fold in half the bacon.
4. Layer: grits, corn, crab, remaining bacon, chives. BANTER: Cousin Tash asked if the gator “died brave.” Brave or
LAWRENCE F PETERSON KISS MY GRITS (AND PASS THE BACON)
bashful—Cajun spice equalizes destiny. Junior kept poking the pot 12 slices smoky bacon (or half bacon + diced chorizo) like treasure might surface. ½ lb mussels (optional)
½ lb shrimp
Let them grits sit a spell in the bacon drippin’s and they act like they
1 cup peas (fresh or thawed)
just got a hug from Aunt Mae.
1 small onion, minced
Recipe 12. Korean BBQ Bacon Grits Bowl 1 roasted red pepper, strips Yield: 4 2 cloves garlic, minced Ingredients: 1 tsp smoked paprika 1 cup stone grits + 4 cups chicken stock Lemon wedges 2 tbsp gochujang (adjust heat) Salt & pepper 1 tbsp soy sauce
Process:
1 tsp sesame oil
1. Cook grits in saffron stock to thick spoonable texture.
10 slices thick bacon, lardons
2. Render bacon (and chorizo if using); reserve half.
1 cup kimchi, chopped
3. Sauté onion, garlic, paprika in some fat. Add shrimp till pink;
4 soft-poached eggs
steam mussels with splash stock (cover).
2 scallions, sliced
4. Fold peas, roasted pepper strips, half bacon into grits.
Toasted sesame seeds
5. Platter; arrange seafood; top remaining bacon; serve with
Optional drizzle: Honey + rice vinegar (1 tsp each warmed)
lemon wedges.
Process:
Note: Not traditional—only delicious.
1. Cook grits in stock; finish with gochujang, soy, sesame oil.
Adjust salt. BANTER: Uncle Ray muttered, “Spaniards don’t do it like this.”
2. Crisp bacon; toss chopped kimchi in hot pan 1 min. Asked him his last trip to Spain. “Piggly Wiggly international aisle
3. Bowl: grits, bacon, kimchi, egg, scallions, sesame seeds, optional counts.” sweet-tang drizzle.
Those creamy grits caught every last wink of bacon grease—efficient
BANTER: Cousin Tash added extra gochujang, declared her third little rascals. eye opened. Looked more like sinuses clearing. Enlightenment
END OF SAMPLE